Chloee’s Blog

Saturday, January 8, 2011

I Remember this Moment with You Chloee

Dear Chloee, I remember this moment with you.

We used to take walks before you got sick over to the church and back.
You always cried and hated it. I feel so guilty for doing it now.
I’m sorry I can’t go back and undo all of those walks.
It started because of your jaundice. The doctors wanted you
to get some sunshine and I wanted to get some exercise.
I wish that I could undo so many, many things.
On this particular day, it wasn’t so bad
because your Dad had come with us on the walk.
So I was able to hold you the whole time.
You always liked that better.
Tys ran around at the church softball field
wrestling with Dad while I just held you
in my arms. I wish I could hold you
again now. I miss you so much.
I am thankful to have
this one picture to remember this moment.

Iam so sad for many,
many things. This is one of
only 2 photos we have of
you outside. Your life was
spent at the hospital
and you never got to
enjoy the sunshine,
swimming, summertime
fun, snow or a cool, spring
day. How I wish that
I could see you outside
now playing and running
like the 5 year old you should be.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Happy Birthday in Heaven Angel Chloee

It's Chloee's 5th Birthday today.
Happy Birthday in Heaven Baby Girl!  I love you and I miss you every second.  I just want you here with us...  I want to know what you are like at 5 years old.

This year, we got a princess birthday cake with a frame on top and took it to her grave to have her balloon release and birthday memorial.  We did a nail polish drive for Utah Share - an organization who helps families whose babies have died.  They give the nail polish so that parents can paint their baby's nails as a final gesture of love and to lighten the color post-mortem.  We collected a whole bunch of them that will go to help other grieving families :)

I spent the day enjoying my living son and making a digital scrapbooking kit in memory of my little princess!
It's called Princess Chloee and here it is with the page I did for her Princess birthday cake:

WE Love you Chloee!!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Letter to Heaven

It's been a long time since I wrote a letter to heaven so I did 2 matching pages with letters to heaven last night for my angel baby girls.  The summer is the best time of year for us, as far as our grief goes.  We have the girls' birthdays and angel days (the days they died) throughout the year in Sept. Nov. Feb. and Apr.  So every few months, we are hit hard with our grief.  The summer goes a little bit smoother.  I can feel inside of me that September and that Chloee's Birthday is coming so I thought I'd do some griefwork and write to my girls - really wish I knew how to mail these to heaven.....

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Ultrasound Photo Scrap Pages

I saw this cute kit by Kristie of Snippets, Inc called It's All About the Belly and just had to have it!!!  It is sooooo completely perfect for ultrasound pics so I dug mine out from my piles and piles of photos, that only took like an hour itself!, and scanned them in so I could do a few pages.

I did this one for my baby girl, Chloee.  It was a super hard page for me to do - so emotional.  I was looking at her ultrasound pics and realized that her main ultrasound was done at 5 months old in utero.  And I was just musing about how she lived to be only 5 months old in life.  So I decided to do a page with the theme AT 5 months and how things changed so drastically from those two different times.
At month Five in utero, we had just found out
            that we were having a baby girl.  I cannot say
                how excited we were.  Our hearts were overjoyed,
      bursting with love for you already and we hadn't
   even met you yet, just seen your picture on the
                 screen and felt you moving inside me.  I felt
          nervous because you and Tyson were going to be
   so close together in age - only a year apart but
so excited.  I loved you so much!  We couldn't
        wait for you to come and for all the hopes and dreams
                    we had for you to happen!

At month Five in life, you died.  I could not believe it. 
          What has happened to all of our dreams and
                                                             hopes and wishes for you? 
        Did we really just bury you after your five month
      birthday?  How could this happen?  Why did this
     happen?  We spent so much of your five motnhs of life
           trying to fix you and save you and for what?  To make
                        your life harder and more paintful?
        I felt like life had suddenly, horribly gone wrong.
               We missed you immediately and
                                                           we still do now.

             Five months was not long enough to hold you
                                                                                in my arms.

Find It's All About the Belly here at Digiridoo Scraps

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Chloee's Birthday in Heaven

Every year we celebrate the girls' birthdays.  Sometimes we go to the cemetery, sometimes we have their birthday at our home.  I'm just getting to scrappin' Chloee's birthday from last September (only a year behind... sigh...)  We went to the cemetery and decorated her grave, let off balloons to heaven, and did a random act of kindness there.  Happy 4th birthday to my baby girl!

I absolutely adore this kit -  Irene Alexeeva's kit Time of Happiness!

Snow White Digital Scrapbooking Pages

I did a page for my sweet baby girl, Chloee, called Fairest one of All!  She's so cute!  I used Kellybell's new kit Fairest in the Land.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Dear Chloee, It all Belongs to You...

I wanted to do a page for Chloee and write to her since I am missing her so much right now.  My heart is aching today and my arms and the rest of me :)  The pic on this page is when she was dying - we didn't know it but her heart and kidneys were failing for the last time.  She looks so swollen and sick and tired - she was so... done.
I used the lyrics from the song Belongs to You by Emerson Drive to help me with the words!  I can never say what I want to say...
Chloee, I love you and my life belongs to you baby girl.
Love, your grieving mommy

I used a beautiful kit called I Heart You by Project B Designs
Find it at Sunshine Studio Scraps here